I’m so afraid that I’d lose my faith in them too just like everybody else. I’m afraid all the things I learned from them will be all for nothing, that they’d let me down and prove to me that everything they’ve said up until now have been empty words. I’m so afraid, because I let my world revolve around them, and without them I don’t know who I’ll be anymore. I don’t know anymore how to live without them, and how to talk to other people if it didn’t involve them. I’m afraid that I’ve wasted my life, and I don’t know how it got from listening to one song to ending up putting my entire life for them. I just don’t know who I am anymore. I may have depended on them way too much and I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m wondering what any of those people would feel like if THEIR dreams were being judged. I mean I get it, they didn’t put much time on the new songs, but looking at it in their perspective, isn’t it their dream to be handled by those producers? Naturally since they want to be handled by him, they put their trust in that producer, listening to whatever he suggests. If that is the case then shouldn’t these people also have negative reactions towards the producer? Since he didn’t take the song seriously enough to give it more time? Because he was overconfident in his own style that he totally forgot that the band he’s handling also has their distict style? That he probably didn’t do his research well enough?

I don’t know why I don’t care about what other people are saying about them. I’m well aware that changes are happening for a long time now, and that they may never create the same music that they once made, or even be the same people that they were when I first discovered them. But I guess I just trust them too much. I trust that they can never bring me to anywhere that will be bad for me as a person, bad for the way that I’m growing as a person. And I don’t know what they did to me, to make me have this blind faith in them, but I think it’s a good thing. I feel like somehow I’m growing with them throughout all these changes. If this will be their downfall then I don’t mind going down with them. If they’re making a mistake, I know they’re only human and I accept that. I don’t know what else to say. I just know that my place is always beside them, supporting them in every decision.


I’m not going home tonight,
instead I think I’ll paint the streets with the bottoms of my shoes until the pavement knows the patterns on my feet better than it knows the feel of tires on its back.

I’m not going home tonight,
instead I think I’ll wave to the streetlights until they flicker and spark with joy because no one likes to acknowledge a lamp that lights the road leading away from home.
But I wave, because
I’m not going home tonight.

I’m not going home tonight,
instead I think I’ll stare at stoplights until they turn red and make everyone stop to look at life for what it is instead of what it’s disguised as, but I’ll keep going when the light is red because
I’m not going home tonight.

I’m not going home tonight,
instead I think I’ll count cracks in the sidewalk because sometimes it’s easier to watch someone else break than to acknowledge that you’re falling apart too, and I’ll try not to trip and get hurt, because
I’m not going home tonight.

I’m not going home tonight,
instead I’ll get lost in the moon as I wonder who first thought it looked like cheese, because really it looks more like a door leading to the other side of the sky, to heaven maybe.
I won’t find out right now though
I’m not going home tonight
I’m living my life tonight.
I will stay alive tonight.

— Don’t go home tonight. Stay awhile longer in this life.
~mgalaxy (via a-speck-in-the-galaxy)


Six MG/YA novels featuring protagonists with depression:

It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini
This Is Not a Test
by Courtney Summers
Lovely, Dark and Deep by Amy McNamara
Dr. Bird’s Advice for Sad Poets by Evan Roskos
Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green & David Levithan
All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

We have not yet reviewed any of these at Disability in Kidlit—though our contributors have given a thumbs-up to the portrayal of depression in both Lovely, Dark and Deep and Will Grayson, Will Grayson. If you’ve read any of these, please share your thoughts!

Want more Disability in Kidlit booklists?
Want to review one of these titles for us?


Fucking hell I hate you
I hate that I can’t find anything wrong with you
I hate that I compare everyone to you
I hate that no one is as good as you
I hate that no one has what you have
Fucking dammit

"Your feelings are so valid,
even though you are so much bigger than they are.
A wasp has a tiny sting,
but you still recoil when you see one on your windowsill."
it is not ‘nothing’, and you are not ‘fine’ishani jasmin (via ishanijasmin)

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